Southend V 5 Upper Clapton 29

Bumpdy bumpdy bumpdy bum - thought I would have a giggle and compose said match report on Saturday night after taking communion wine and watching X Factor :-) Well we arrived at Sowfbend with one player a tad more excited than the others. This was none other than "5 yard" Kenty who was returning to his spiritual home and scenes of many a try. Oh how the mighty have fallen, six games in and still we are all a waiting!!

As per norman lots of changes, most noticeable was the Extra A dayboo of Mark Chatters in the centre. The game began in a very long grass and a referee who was just out of nappies (remember I am tiddly). Bend were a team who thrived on the physical side with their direct running and naughty use of the head.

The Farts took the lead after a penalty five meters out. "Give it to Massive" Barks whispered and sure enough the big man was over, bum cleavage and all.

The fogies extended their lead ten minutes later after a powerful run from Chatters enabled him to cross. As the half came to a close Potato popped over a penalty to give the club a healthy fifteen point lead. At half time both props were struggling while Chatters had some strange orange coloured fluid dripping from his nose. Guvnor came on in the centre to take control of the midfield.

Although continually put under pressure the wrinklies continued the good form with further tries by Damo and Lobbo. Chatters eventually left the field after a suspected concussion (shouting come on Harlow was a clue that all was not well). As time ran out Clapton were awarded a penalty. A kick to touch would have ended the game but the adventurous old boys went for another try...unfortunately this resulted in a score for the Bend so not a wise choice there then :-) A superb result for the old boys that send them top of the Essex merit table. A much needed break next week before a tough encounter against Thurrock the week after.

The Mom napkin went to SOR who turned up on time and managed to put a shirt on that was far too small but apart from that doesn't have a lot going for him